I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
