Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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