I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
