a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize