I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
