Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I will be naked everywhere
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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