I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize