I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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