dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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