Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
