Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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