I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
