No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
