my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize
