why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize