I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
