I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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