your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize