I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
