Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
