Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Enjoy the penises
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I forget how to act sober
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