Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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