yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
