Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
