she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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