Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
