I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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