so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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