He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize