I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize