there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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