You really coming over, don't trick.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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