When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
That's how pantless uber rides happen
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
