so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize