we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
