SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
