direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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