Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
