You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
