She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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