I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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