For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
