I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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