At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
