Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Houston, we have a squirter
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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