I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
