This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
a search helicopter?!
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
