Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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