FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize