if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
