dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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