I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We don't watch enough power rangers
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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