Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
