I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
