She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize