Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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