how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
