If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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