am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
